I am lying to myself, but I just can't help it

Denial is one of the many ways in the book Winston and everyone else is controlled. The scariest part of this form of control is the fact that your the one that empowers it. In the Science times that spoke of the different forms of denial. Your subconscious does this so you do not have bring on unwanted guilt so in such it lies to you that way you don't feel guilty. This also pertains to unwanted knowledge. In the book no one wants to feel their beloved party is evil and controlling. This natural denial we have plays a strong part in the control of someone. When someone is controlled they struggle naturally to regain control, but if they are in denial about even being in control they will not struggle to regain the control they lost. This goes to the theme knowledge is power. They do not have the knowledge of being controlled and thus they aren't powerful. This is why Winston is so strong. He has the knowledge the whole Oceania doesn't have. If he is to rebel it will have to be with the artful spread of knowledge. Hopefully he doesn't fall back in denial